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State of Michigan placed on suicide watch

Indianapolis (AP) The entire state of Michigan except for the city of East Lansing and an area extending out 10 miles from East Lansing has been placed on suicide watch following the reported defeat of the University of Michigan's football team by the Appalachian State University Mountaineers. Appalachian State is reportedly located in western North Carolina, although Michigan authorities are unable to confirm this at the present time. "We're just not sure right now", said Michigan highway patrol spokesman Marvin Joachimsen. "We weren't really paying much attention to them, so we didn't notice which direction they came from". The immediate problem is knowing where to begin intervention activities. Attempts to contact Governor Granholm and Lt. Governor Cherry were unsuccessful, and concern for their welfare rose. In the absence of coordination with the state government, federal authorities and governments of surrounding states began deploying teams of counselors into major cities and onto the campus of the University of Michigan. In addition, US Air Force and units of the Indiana Air National Guard have begun air drops of mattresses beneath all overpasses and beside all buildings over three stories tall. Meanwhile, Ohio Governor Ted Strickland strongly denied reports that he had included Dr. Jack Kevorkian on a reponse team sent to Ann Arbor.

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